It’s been going fast to go slow around here. I know that is backwards from what I usually say, as a teacher. I’m firmly of the camp, “Go slow to go fast.” And yet, here I am.
I have worked harder this summer than I have ever worked in a summer in 12 years, the summer I went back to school to get my 2nd MA in Teaching at Pacific University. I have worked almost every single day since winter break ended in January of this year.
As soon as the moment that I wasn’t working full time and summer school ended Thursday and a lot of stuff was done on the house and 3 weeks before deadlines begin again…I had no idea what to do with myself and then I had to be alone with myself at home. FOR THREE WHOLE DAYS. Y’all know what I do when I’m alone for 3 days after non-stop work and tasks to keep myself occupied while Tom’s at work?
Yep. Yesirree. Uh, that’s a rocky place, sister.
I tried to clean the floors. The vacuum wasn’t sucking. I fixed it. I felt like I was not a total idiot, so I tried to do some re-grouting where it was needed (*More below) and the mix didn’t come out at all. I was so frustrated and overwhelmed I just started crying. I was leaning over my bathtub, with sponges and grout and rags and my float and I was bawling. The dogs came over and started licking the grout and rubbing their noses on it and then on me. I went and got the hose and sprayed all the evidence of the crappy grout mix away down a hole. A stinging asshole beetle type insect stung me on the arm 3 times.
I’m embarrassed to report how I continued to be emotional all weekend. I was a mess. Yesterday at church, while Tom was building the foundation framing for concrete on our addition, I sat there, cloudy with swollen eyes from crying, and listened to our Pastor talk about Heaven. And then when he asked for volunteers to help with communion I tried to be invisible, to make myself disappear into the pew. But he saw right through me and asked me to hold the
wine juice and told me to say “Jesus loves you” to all the parishioners. I gotta tell you, saying Jesus loves you like 50 times to other people expecting nothing in return from them and witnessing their love and grace back…that’s a pretty powerful thing. #warrenforthewin
I know that my feelings don’t have to lead me so far down the rabbit hole. But I got super stuck. This guy is another inspirational person that’s helping me find some clarity and to try to remember that.
For those of you hoping for some amazing remodeling things today, ok, well, I don’t have a lot for you. But I do have this.
- DO NOT every buy pre-mixed grout unless it’s the expensive kind that has sealants in it. The other kind becomes porous when wet. And it is a big problem poo deal to try to clean off if you don’t do it well enough at install.
- Rich Robbins is an amazing finish carpenter. I totally love him. He’s Tom’s boss’s dad, and he’s just cool. He’s got all kinds of little tricks and weird containers filled with glues and tiny tools and he’s fascinating. He has his own special workbench he made. Remember in Toy Story II where the little guy comes to fix Woody? And he’s a master craftsman and does all this amazing work to spiff Woody up? Yeah. Rich is like him, a master craftsman. He’s not quite that old, and doesn’t wear spectacles, but watching him work is delightful. Look what he did for us that I have evidence of. He’s also installed all our baseboard trim and cabinet hardware.
Tom is a hero. I know you all suspected that already, but he is. I don’t know how he puts up with me and loves me anyway, but he does. This is the framing for the concrete that’s getting poured on Friday. He did this all day yesterday. I’m very excited to watch this come together. In fact, I’m on my way in a few minutes to pick up the permit and approved plans for the addition at the county. We are on our way folks. The finish line is coming.
I’m headed to Reedsport for a few days for a conference. I’m going to be alone for part of the time, but I will have the ocean to seek comfort in. I just need to remember to keep swimming.